No Excuse

What is shocking me most in the United States?
Not tall building, fancy cell phone or high technology which I am sure China have or will have but some words Americans use everyday.
“Excuse me”, “sorry”, you can’t live a single day in America without hearing these words repeated dozens of times. They are simply everywhere. No doubt they are neither 100% sincere nor substantiated, but they can quickly and efficiently deal with innumerous minor unpleasant situations in the real world: an accidental bump into a stranger, a cough in a serious meeting, etc. They make life easier for everyone. These magic words we Chinese can not help admiring.

We don’t use them.

We Chinese don’t usually say sorry to a stranger today. For example, when somebody crush on you in a loaded bus, you look at him expecting some kind of apology, 90% of times you see a guy not even looking at you but anywhere else, he would even not bother talk to you, as if nothing happens. If you are determined to extort an apology from this guy, chance is that it may evolve into a quarrel, then into a fight, or anything.

Why? Isn’t China supposed to be a land of politeness and courteousness?

Actually, courtesy does exist among those who are acquainted with each other. People know how to treat you only when they learn who you are. The way they talk to you, deal with you is defined by your position in a given society. These do not apply to a stranger.

A bigger truth is: China may used to be a land of politeness and courteousness, not anymore. The courtesy system imbedded in the traditional society has gone, replaced by universal camaraderie since 1949. However, during the rapid economic and political change in the last 30 years nationally and internationally, Chinese people are struggling to find a new interaction interface with each other.

An excuse to explain away the “no excuse” is that, we try to convince ourselves that you should not be “too polite” toward those you are familiar with, because if you treat your friends too politely, you regard him not as one of your own. However, a contradiction is that when those who are really not one of your own appear, there is no need to be polite to them. Either should not be or need not be polite, we end out treating other people rude. There is simply no excuse not to say “excuse me”.